Hillbilly letter bout Duhbama

I was emailed this the other day from an acquaintance of mine. I guess the good folk of the hills aren't too keen on Obama. This has nothing to do with Canada or algore or global warming but is damn funny. Enjoy...


Sweetiekin,
Mr. Osama came to the valley t'other day tellin' us howz he's gonna lift us outa this here DEE-pression we all is in. He poked his head into the feed store for what they call a "fo-to op" in his parts.
Well, we get to jawin' round the cracker barrel 'bout the price of arugula n such, n things bein' what they is, one of the boys pulled out a jimmyjohn of the sippin' cider. I mean the good stuff without the federal revenooer stamps, ifn you know what I mean n I think you do.
Long story short, we're gettin' along in fine fashion n Mr. Osama is tellin us how his name wuz O'Sama at first until his daddy or wuz it his granddaddy changed it or some such and its been a source of much confusion ever since. I think that's wut he said anyway, but truth be told I mighta had a few sips before he got there. Mr Osama even wrote a book about it which I ain't never heard of because you know I don't often get over to the other side of the mountain where the Carnegie free liberry 'tis ever since I hurt my leg in the cave-in at the mine.
Well, that Mr Osama kin really chew the hogfat--them cityfolk call it spinning yarn I think, and us boys is all thinking Yessir!, this is one man whose life story I kin really identify with n how ignant I wuz not to know it. Then he goes n axes kin we pass him a jar of the shine. Everybody's hoopin' n hollerin' waitin' to see how Mr Osama rides out the burn in his gullet. Our ole pappy always said you kin tell a lot 'bout a man that way.
Well little missy, he cups that glass in his hand, rolls it around some n sniffs the juice a few times, n holds it up to the lantern light. Then, ifn you kin believe it, he sets it back to the plank! Of course, we push a little, but he still don't want none. Finally, he apologizes, but sez he just ain't used to takin' his likker with "clingy bitters" n ain't sure he wants to start now! Something about manhattans versus cosmos whatever in tarnation that means. You've never seen such audacity, I tell you what!
I guess it was some kinda joke, like Parson Huckabee tells come Sundays down by the river, but Ima tellin' you, you coulda heard crickets chirpin' hadn't they all been killed off back when that Northern feller oiled down the roads.
We jes stood there it seemed like forever n I swear the hands on the dial started spinnin counter-clockity it wuz that bad. I guess Mr Osama and his "handlers"--that's what they called themselves--knew they had stuk the turd in the ciderjar cuz they lit out of here moving fastern a kerosene cat in hell. I heard later things went from bad to worse when they got to the waffle house over by the Piggly Wiggly in town.
Nosiree, ain't no way no how that there Mr Osama gits my vote no more. Yep, as of today, I am officially a "Hill"billy. Same goes for all us down here in the holler.
Hope things is well in Irak.
Yers trooly,
Yer "kissin" cuzzin
Rufus T. Barnswallow